Joe E. was playing to obscure burlesque houses and nightclubs before Nat Hiken signed him up for the part of Sergeant Rupert Ritzik on the Bilko show. As a member of Sergeant Bilko's slap-happy platoon of military misfits, Ross soon became a comedy fave of TV watchers.
His newly found popularity led to him appearing in another smash-hit TV show , Car 54 Where Are You? which enjoyed high ratings for three years. After the cancellation of that show Joe E. made special TV appearances and performed in nightclubs. In 1969, he appeared at the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas, herewith are some of the jokes he told.
I recently took a friend's advice and bought annuities. But I made the mistake of neglecting to read the clauses in small type. Now I've discovered that to be eligible for compensation I have to be run down by a herd of wild buffalo in Times Square. Then I collect $3 a week. If I lose an arm, the insurance company helps me look for it. And they really take marvellous care of my wife. The pay all her maternity costs --- after the age of 87.
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My wife feels that just because I appear on TV I shouldn't be seen taking out the garbage. When I asked her how she expected me to get the garbage out of the house, she came up with a terrific scheme. Every two days she wraps our garbage in gift paper. I take it down to the post office and mail it off to the Department of Sanitation.
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My wife's bouffant hairdo is getting more and more ridiculous. When I married her she was four feet eight; now she's six two. The other day she came home with a hair style that was so high the hairdresser was still inside working on it.
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A friend of mine was drunk every night for 15 years. One 3am he staggered through the front door and was met by his enraged wife. Taking him by the arm, she literally dragged him to a nearby distillery. Pushing him inside, she pointed to the workers busily bottling and casing the liquor. "See that, George?" she shouted. "See how hard they're working? You can't keep up with them." "Maybe not," her husband slurred. "But I sure got 'em working nights."
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I'll never forget my first job. It was a place in New Jersey called Chez Paree. That's French for Shapiro.............I don't know what to say it was a rough place, but every thirty minutes there would be an intermission so they could carry out the wounded.
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I spent so many years playing a policeman on Car 54 that I started to believe my part. Every time I'd pass a fruit stand I'd grab an apple, a pear, a banana. One time I flipped altogether and stopped a car for speeding.
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A few years ago I got married for the second time. I can't tell you too much about my first wife. Our divorce came up so quickly our lawyers were fighting custody of the wedding cake.
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My wife kept nagging me to lose weight so I decided to consult a dietician. He put me on a diet of one hard-boiled egg a day. "Are you crazy?" I demanded. "Do you think I'm going to wait all day for one egg? I can't do it. I'll get nervous. I'll get restless.
I won't get any rest." "You'll get plenty of rest," He told me, "Because you'll be fainting a lot."
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